A lonely introvert isn’t a pardox.

One of the biggest misconceptions about introverts is that we love being left alone. I suppose that I am blogging about this because I have been feeling inexplicably alone and it is just so disconcerting to me!

I’ll give you the spiel of an introvert straight from the mouth (or fingers, in this case…) of an introvert. I am fully aware that when I am in a comfortable and familiar social environment, I will speak my mind and often times be quite boisterous. However, if I am put in a large group with many people I do not know, I immediately clam up and don’t want to speak. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company of these new people or that I don’t want to get to know them; I certainly do! I absolutely love meeting new people. Introverts want to make friends just as much as extroverts do. However, we’re not so quick to warm up or be able to freely express ourselves in a large number of people. Usually, if I am in a large group and I know one person I will latch on to that one person for dear life. I try to play it cool like I’m okay with being surrounded by unfamiliar people, but oh no. Too many unfamiliar people really do overwhelm me. I need to be approached first, so I can get one-on-one time.

That’s where we work best: the small group. At a party, I prefer for people to approach me and strike up the conversations with me. I can’t do the approaching other people thing. Ever. At all. I will very quickly once approached strike up a lively conversation (if I’ve got things to go on) and be just as friendly (if not friendlier ;D) as any extrovert! We draw our energy from these small interactions with people because we are able to devote all of our attention to this individual. Whenever I am in a large group of friends, I always find myself attaching to another person out of the large group because it is just the place where I feel the most comfortable.

I’m not saying that I don’t appreciate my alone time. From my understanding of extroverts, they will consistently prefer being in high-energy social environments to being alone. On occasion, I will need my alone time. Desperately. I need to read, write, blog, or just sit by myself and engage in some music. It is very important for me to have time to reflect upon myself and my day. Perhaps I am now making a sweeping generalization over all other introverts because I am one, but I think that we are a little more introspective than the extrovert. The extrovert can assess social situations and interactions better, but we understand human emotions and the individual better. It is interesting; there is so much to discover and explore within yourself (emotions, motivations, dreams, etc.). The introvert finds that world worth exploring and alone time is needed for such a task.

However, feeling lonely is an issue I find myself facing. It’s hard to physically be alone in a university with tens of thousands of students, a roommate, hallmates, classmates, people walking outside of my dorm and screaming, etc. I’m surrounded by people all of the time, but there is a difference between being physically alone and emotionally alone. I sound like a huge “emo” kid right now, but I’m not too concerned with that. For me, not being alone means someone being beside me, engaging my conversation and thoughts, and being in tune with my emotions. I rarely find anyone on the same emotional frequency as I am at any given time and that is where I feel the most alone. It’s not that I’m unhappy all of the time; I just find it hard to mesh my wavelengths with other people. If that makes any sense whatsoever. Which it doesn’t.

It is hard to put into words what I feel in this case, but think of it this way. Being alone is as such, you are standing around with your friends at the beach. Everyone is talking about how warm the sand feels underneath their toes and how wonderful it is to be out on a sunny day. You are happy to be at the beach and it is certainly wonderful, but instead of standing in the sand, you are standing on your towel.

Yeah, it’s like that. Get it? Comment!

She won't hate that person if he/she talks to her! But she's okay reflecting on the life and times.

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One Response to “A lonely introvert isn’t a pardox.”

  1. An empathetic friend Says:

    I can relate to almost every single thing you said in here. I never thought of myself as an introvert until about 2 years ago when i was beginning college. It was then that I realized that I clung to a very small group of friends all throughout high school, even while being involved with several different ‘organizations’. I still am very much so, but have embraced it now to certain extents. There is no right or wrong in terms of being an introvert or an extrovert. People are people.

    In social situations where I don’t know most of the people, at parties or concerts as the shining example, I will absolutely cling to the people that I know, and will be super shy, until I get to know someone outside of my previously established comfort zone. If I am introduced in any context to a stranger, I will immediately strike up conversation, and usually end up having a very pleasant experience with them.

    The perfect balance of introverts and extroverts in the world is what makes something like this possible. Extroverts begin interaction with introverts, who then help these extroverts with their weakness in their ‘skills’ in introversion.

    I also thoroughly enjoy my alone time. I have been accused of being antisocial many times by my suitemates at school for just sitting in my room reading or on the computer for hours on a saturday instead of being out in the suite watching tv or going out somewhere. I am more comfortable that way. It’s the nature of the beast. It does lead to some serious moments of questioning why I am alone and not seeming to be meeting as many new people as others do. That, again, is a nature of the beast.

    My suggestion is to take opportunities to meet new people that friends of yours suggest you to meet or taking a chance by going to some event or any type of party where you don’t really know anyone and make a point of making contact with at least one person. Then go from there. This year alone, I have met lots of new people outside my previously established group of friends by breaking away due to personal interest in any sort of thing.

    Granted, I naturally gravitate back towards my comfort zone and my established group of friends, but it’s a step.

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