And that’s what really hurts, you do it to yourself, just you, you and no one else.

I have been extremely bad with my updates, even after I vowed to myself that I would complete a double thirty day challenge. Well, if anyone reading this knows me particularly well, you know that I am one of those people who gets into a mood very quickly…only to very soon drop straight out of it. I’m bad at committing to things. It’s because I’m a free bitch, baby.

But, really. Classes, papers, coming home, sleeping until my body can’t stand unconsciousness any longer, and Christmas shopping have been consuming my life as of late. I’m happy to say I believe my academic life has taken a turn for the better after a brief hiatus in just-skirting-by land. Oh hooray excelling not being a miserable failure in academia once again!

Now that my brains can please me, what about beauty? I was watching a show the other day while fiddling with solitaire on my phone. I couldn’t be bothered to remember the name of the program, but it was all about the obsession with beauty. Generally, I’m always one of those people who goes THE MEDIA HAS CORRUPTED US ALL! NO ONE REALLY LOOKS LIKE THAT! NO ONE CAN DO THESE THINGS! I never really take a step back and look at myself or the people around me and see what these things are doing to us.

I’ve known people who have struggled with weight and their appearances and it’s something very tragic to witness. I just wanted to shake every person who didn’t think they were beautiful/handsome/sexy/gorgeous/stunning and go, “”MY GOD, YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP MY LIFE, CUT IT OUT. BEAUTY RADIATES FROM YOU,” but I know that won’t help. I know the most beautiful people, ever, which is cliche and dumb to say–but I do.

Now, there’s something you must understand when I use the word beautiful. I have no clue what any one of you (by you, I mean friends and perhaps lovers hehe) looks like from a completely unbiased point of view. There’s no reversing that, ever. Anyone I care enough to get close to I see as some type of grand being–someone who just emanates beauty and love. You aren’t much of a flesh-and-bones person anymore. When I look at you, I might see deep, gorgeous eyes or a smile that could leave someone breathless. Those things just don’t matter to me after I get to know you. Your personality becomes a shell around you, which is all I process. Sure, when I first meet a person I can see nothing beyond physical appearance, and to be honest, that never is much of a concern of mine. I know people say looks matter but I choose to give people a chance in any setting before just dismissing them as an unworthy person of my time. Going back to seeing beyond physicality! People I get to know become their laughs, their presences, their beings. I will be grateful for the way you pick up my mannerisms, or the way I pick up yours. I’ll think of you as funny text messages at the right time when I feel like crying, not my friend with a slammin’ body. You’re just…a ball of positive love and awesomeness to me. It’s so hard to articulate what I mean, but I hope someone out there understands.

I’m coming across as someone who isn’t shallow, but I have my moments. Trust me. I like hot guys. I SAID IT. Given, my idea of hot doesn’t line up with a lot of other people’s, I still value attractive men somewhat. I care about what I look like. I wish I didn’t, but I can’t help but want to lose weight. I’ve done a good job at maintaining it, which I guess is something I should be proud of, but I feel this constant pressure of you’re 20. This is the best it’s gonna get. This is your one and only chance to actually try to be hot. WHY AREN’T YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THIS?! Admittedly, I’m pretty absurd, but I might not be alone in that. I mean, we all get bombarded with these images that tell us we aren’t good enough. I was just talking with my friend Alyssa over hot chocolates that my Wii fit tells me I should really try to lose 20 pounds. The girls next to us laughed and said that their Wii fits said the same exact thing. Hell, these two were strangers and they were very pretty who didn’t need to change a thing.

This show I was watching, which sparked the need for this post, said that liposuction is 60x more likely to cause a death than any other surgery. While I’m sure I’m getting that statistic wrong somehow, since I may be miswording it or not understanding it, what I do know is that it said 60x and death and more likely. Maybe it doesn’t apply to things like a quadruple bypass, but it was a shocking thing to hear nonetheless. I can’t believe that people would subject themselves to something so risky just to shave off a couple of inches. It’s so much cheaper to just…put down the hot dog and jump on a treadmill. Maybe not easier, but cheaper and less risky.

Some lady wanted to look like Nefertiti on the show, which I guess is cool since she wanted to do it for art or something, but I just don’t understand why anyone would put so much effort into looking like someone else. Your face is what makes you YOU! I thought, when they showed her face, that she was going to be a PLASTIC SURGERY GONE WRONG victim. I guess she’s really pleased with the results, but she looks horrifying to me. Truth be told, I hate my nose and I joke about getting it done all of the time. The jokes are really half-jokes because I’d like to do something about that gigantic honker in the middle of my face. The thing I don’t like about that idea is…my nose is me. My face is me. I feel like changing your face especially by surgery makes you a little less you. And you’re beautiful, damn it.

Of course, I never believe it when anyone calls me beautiful…but I’m sincere! Believe me!

Why are we all so insecure and on constant journeys to better our looks? It’s really such a shame. If it makes you feel awesome, I condone it. Self esteem is great to have. However, if you’re a big part of my life, I love you just the way you are and I couldn’t find a single thing to change about you. Physical flaws aren’t apparent to me, but personality ones are šŸ˜‰ I wouldn’t change those either, haha, I love you for you! All of you! Every little bit, my loves. Every. Minuscule. Molecule. :3

YEAH, I WROTE IT. I WROTE TRUTH. I'M NOT AFRAID. YEAH, I'M WEARING A TIARA 'CAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. YEAH, THERE'S A MYSTERIOUS HIDDEN KISS MARK BECAUSE MY LIPGLOSS WASN'T DARK ENOUGH AND I'M TOO LAZY TO TRY A SECOND TIME, YEAH.

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